J.R. Vs. Brazil

Not long ago, I logged on eBay. And what I found was shocking.

There it was, on the main page, under Featured Items:

BABY FAT? *BRaZiLiaN* DieT PiLLs Rocks USA! Fibersyn

My god, I said. They want to give diet pills to our babies.

It's hard to believe, but in ancient times, baby fat was considered cute or adorable. Today, the pressure is on for babies to shed those pounds sooner than ever. But are diet pills really the answer?

I did a little investigation on this so called "Brazil".

According to Microsoft Encarta, Brazil is the largest country in South America, known for its natural beauty and diverse population. But what the heck do they know? I headed to the ultimate source of information, where the answer to any question is there at your fingertips: Blockbuster video.

I selected a film called, as luck would have it, Brazil. Turns out Brazil has a history of unnecessary cosmetic surgery and extreme makeovers, but little can be done about it. Far from a garden of eden, Brazil is a tangled forest of beurocracy and red tape. The draconian government beats down freedom fighters with an iron fist, and anyone who gets too close to the truth... gets a lobotomy.

I was shocked by the footage, but uncovering the truth about Brazil was well worth it. For his brave work as a skillful documentarian, Terry Gilliam deserves an acadamy award. And parents, for the love of God. Don't give your babies diet pills. Make them run track like everybody else.

- J.R. Antrim loves getting slobering fan mail.

More stuff by J.R. Antrim.